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Costa Rica

Peggy Sebera, M. S.
October 2003

Driving along bumpy dirt and paved roads, there is green everywhere. People forever walking along the streets or groups stopped to talk alongside trucks on neighborhood roads or in the green countryside (campo). All of the homes, large and small, built mostly of cement, are covered by brightly painted bars and surrounded by green. Security is an ever-present consideration for everyone.

20 women from various walks of life have been invited to come to the circle retreat on the large sugar cane estate of the family of Floria Herera (my hostess). We put our belongings into the various sleeping rooms of this large family Finca. The caretakers provide us with coffee. The open-air room out in the yard has been prepared with red and orange and purple flowers gathered from the nearby plants, we sit in typical, tough, old rocking chairs made of leather and wood. Being the rainy season, we are prepared to hear the loud and instant downpours, feeling the cool moist air on our skins in between the hours of sunlight. This is Costa Rica in all of its richness.

The core group includes the gracious priestess, Elena Oliva, a Nicaraguan who initiates the circle with a fire ceremony and smudging. Dena is a strong, slim, quiet elder woman, who many times asks “what is the difference between a circle and a group”. Cielo is a healer, drummer and a translator for me, at times. Lela is absent today (with her husband they are the leaders of the Indigenous Advocate Group of Costa Rica.) Elinore Detiger with guest, Paula Crabtree from Spain, assisted me in numerous ways in understanding the country. Not present today, but initiating circles in Costa Rica is Janine Faford, yoga instructor, who has seeded a healing circle and a woman’s circle in English.

With this core group, and women from various occupations as social workers, artists, farm workers, and caretakers we spoke of many things together. At one point, we struggled to consider the politics of using English and Spanish. I tried to share and listen in Spanish (since I had studied diligently in classes prior to going.) Without realizing it, some people were speaking first in English, so that I may be certain to understand. Speaking in English first was, in fact, a way of making sure that the U.S. woman understood, which caused the Spanish speaking people to have to wait to understand, afterwards. Half way into the day, we agreed to stick with Spanish, while Paula (English born, living in Spain) became the translator in my ear. This was a learning for everyone – what are the unconscious reasons for using English and Spanish?

We considered ways of creating the opportunity for everyone to speak during the circle time. Some methods that we used were:

• Have guidelines.

• First, allow conversation in small groups, then move into large group consideration.

• Do check-ins or round robin, which allow all members of the group to have an equal opportunity to speak.

• Go slowly.

• Allow each person to pose a question that is on their mind.

• Allow each person to report what they are seeing and learning.

The women wanted to know more about how to apply conflict resolution to the groups where they worked. At their request, I introduced the concepts in English with Spanish translation (my Spanish was too slow). During the course of the day we moved easily and with reflection, as I shared three methods of conflict resolution:

• We looked at how to turn an issue between two people into a topic of dialogue and consideration for the whole group, where everyone reflects on their own experience with this issue.

• We practiced Arnold Mindell’s approach to World Work where all the members of the group get up and move to different points in the room which represent different points of view. The topic of consideration was: “What should be done about immigration into Costa Rica?” The process was alive and passionate, with the different women expressing themselves and shifting their points of view and their position in the room as the conversation evolved.

• One-on-one resolution. We had a very focused and facilitated conversation between two women who had had hurt feelings during the preparation for the retreat. The two women came face to face, each woman chose a friend to sit next to her. I facilitated a process where each woman shared her thoughts and feelings. The turning point was when each woman was asked to reflect back what she heard the other saying. One woman stopped the other and said that that was not what she had said. At this point, by listening more carefully and being more clear, the conversation deepened and hearts opened and the feeling of understanding came.

I cannot share this story without saying more about Floria Herera. I take my hat off to Floria who was my hostess for two weeks, and the organizer of this retreat, sower of new circles with 2 amazing groups:

• Center for Sexually Abused Girls. We went to the center and together created a sacred circle with candles and their dolls. We shared the guidelines, the check-in and conversation. During the check-in a small, beautiful girl, 9 years old, sitting next to me said something to me. I asked for translation. “My father raped me”. I did not have the words in Spanish quick enough and I sat stunned and held her hand. I asked what she had said. one girl sadly addressed her concern about another girl who was sneaking off at school to be with her boy friend. For these girls, this is not safe or acceptable. This girl denied it. Suddenly, we were momentarily stopped. Who to believe? What to do? What to say? I decided to move from the individual to the collective and I posed a question for all of us to consider. “What are the ways that each of us, as young women, have tried to get the attention of boys?” I shared my own experience when I was their age. Then other adults present shared, and then the girls shared and we moved into a larger consideration of how to create safety and trust for ourselves. The girls began to cry and to give thanks and appreciation for each other and their care-takers (Aunties). We all shared a final comment during the check-out and there was much joy. The Psychologist at the Center was invited to the retreat.

• Community of Farm Workers. (who live near Floria’s property in the country.) Floria helped to start a women’s circle in this community. Three of the women at the community had been part of our retreat. These women, a bit shy in the beginning, were very strong, bright, articulate in the circle. They were inspired to continue their own community circle in new ways. Hallelujah. They have cleaned up the community and built a community building. The night that our circle ended was their Big Event. This group of women, with Floria, had assisted the young people to create a play about their lives in the Barrio. This play was presented to a group of about 150 community members and 8 of us who were at the retreat were there.

Sitting with these women in all of these new ways cracks open my heart. My hopes and wishes for my work with the Millionth Circle are fulfilled – that we may seed and nurture circles in many new ways with women around the globe. I am thankful for my journey to the land of the rich coast.